Making Marriage Work

Lately, I have had a lot of women ask me questions about having a strong and healthy marriage so I decided to write about it here.  I have also asked my husband to write from the mans point of view.  The verses of scripture we will be looking at are from Ephesians chapter 5.

               Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 

                              Ephesians 5:22-30 ESV

Before we go any farther let me tell you about what I've learned through experience and the Word of God.  The surest way to destroy your marriage is to be selfish.  I have been married three times and my selfishness and self-centeredness in the first two caused major problems.  

I was not saved during my first marriage although I did go to church and served for a short period of time.  Alcohol and drugs were participants in this relationship as was selfishness, greed, pride, insecurity, and immorality.

I got saved shortly before I married the second time but I didn't go to church faithfully.  At this point in my life, I was active in Alcholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous and believed that God existed and was with me but I didn't read my Bible or put Him first in my heart.  Again selfishness, greed, deception, immorality, and insecurity reared their ugly heads.

When I met my third (and final) husband, I had just started to be serious about my relationship with Jesus Christ and was reading my Bible on a regular basis.  Because I didn't grow up in a home that included God, I knew nothing about Him but I was filled with a hunger and desire for Christ that I had finally realized nothing else would satisfy.  

When Jamie (my hubby) and I first started talking about dating, we both agreed that we wanted to do things God's way.  We had both been part of worldly relationships that left us unfulfilled and unhappy.  So as we dated, we included God in our conversations and decisions.  We did not kiss until we were engaged and we did not have sex until after we were married.  I don't say that to bring condemnation or guilt upon you. This is just what we did.

My two daughters were still at home and Jamie's two children were already grown and on their own.  Being a blended family was not an easy transition for us.  What we have learned has come from making mistakes. We are after all, human beings with faults, hurts, habits, and weaknesses that often trip us up.

Jamie and I have been married over 12 years and we have more love between us now than we did on the day we married.  The secret to our success didn't come from following a magic formula or a secret recipe.  We simply decided to live by our word to stay married until death do us part.  We view our marriage as a room with no doors or windows. We are in this together and we have no other option but it figure it out.

We have gone through adultery, deception, depression, and lack by the grace of God. We have overcome every obstacle and attack regardless of who or what started it.  We don't point fingers of blame or condemn each other.  

No matter how good your marriage is or is not, you can never stop working on it.  When you quit putting your marriage second only to God, it will die.  I have asked Jamie to write a few words of knowledge from the man's point of view and will post them throughout this series.  

Today our marriage is thriving and our hope is that yours will too.  God bless.

Heidirn