Marriage - Honesty
It's been a while since I posted on the topic of marriage and although this is post is about honesty in marriage, the principles apply to every relationship we have.
Nothing speaks of greater disrespect than to lie to one another.
Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
Eph. 4:25 NIV
Lying is cowardly. When we lie to someone what we are really saying is "you are not worthy of the truth." We cover this up with another lie called "I didn't want to hurt you." The Bible promises that whatever we do in secret will be made known. We might get away with something for a little while but it will eventually catch up with us and can destroy us.
Falsehood of any kind is demeaning and it allows the enemy a foothold in our lives. This is especially true in marriage.
When two people have committed to be married, each one is responsible for taking care of and supporting the other person. A foundation of harmony and synergy is needed as each person works toward the shared goal of marital strength. Harmony is lost when deceit enters. Honor is destroyed and hearts are broken. Marriages lose strength when lies are told.
Dishonesty creates gaps between people. It creates wedges of insecurity that often seem too large to conquer. It breaks apart trust and wounds the heart far deeper than any physical blow. Dishonesty causes us to feel worthless because it says "you are not worthy of the truth." It injures our pride and our soul.
Deceitfulness will destroy a marriage. Lies will destroy a marriage. Dishonesty in any form will destroy a marriage.
The best plan is to always be honest but sometimes, we do not make the best of choices. So how do we overcome the fallout of falsehood in marriage? Slowly and painfully. Choosing to forgive is easier to do than giving back trust. We all know how hard it is to trust someone after they have lied to you but that is the only way a marriage (or any relationship) can be restored. This is always more than we can do on our own. We need the help of God.
Our initial responses to being deceived come from our hurt.
Whenever we struggle to forgive someone for betraying us, it is important to remind ourselves of how God has forgiven us. We all sin. We all make bad choices. We all do things that we later want to do over - especially when we lie. But every time, God forgives us. He wipes our slate clean and removes the stain. He does not remove the consequences of our deceptive choices but He does remove the blame and condemnation. God holds nothing against the truly penitent heart and we must do the same.
Our trust in God must be greater than our trust in each other.
Our wounded heart will protest at not making the other person pay for hurting us but that is exactly what we must do. Depending on the nature of the deception new boundaries may need to be established. Check points may need to be created. And we will need to set aside time for open and honest communication and prayer. But we have to release the other person from all guilt in order to move forward and restore our marriage.
We cannot keep throwing the wrong deed back up in the other person's face. We cannot hold a grudge nor can we keep any bitterness. We have to rely on God to help us overcome our insecurity in this area. We have to wipe their slate clean just as Jesus does ours. That is just what love does. Love covers sin. It hides it and never brings it up again.
We cannot declare our love for each other in any greater way than by being honest. A marriage can only get stronger when love and forgiveness lead the way.
Honesty in marriage is non-negotiable.
Heidirn
Nothing speaks of greater disrespect than to lie to one another.
Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
Eph. 4:25 NIV
Lying is cowardly. When we lie to someone what we are really saying is "you are not worthy of the truth." We cover this up with another lie called "I didn't want to hurt you." The Bible promises that whatever we do in secret will be made known. We might get away with something for a little while but it will eventually catch up with us and can destroy us.
Falsehood of any kind is demeaning and it allows the enemy a foothold in our lives. This is especially true in marriage.
When two people have committed to be married, each one is responsible for taking care of and supporting the other person. A foundation of harmony and synergy is needed as each person works toward the shared goal of marital strength. Harmony is lost when deceit enters. Honor is destroyed and hearts are broken. Marriages lose strength when lies are told.
Dishonesty creates gaps between people. It creates wedges of insecurity that often seem too large to conquer. It breaks apart trust and wounds the heart far deeper than any physical blow. Dishonesty causes us to feel worthless because it says "you are not worthy of the truth." It injures our pride and our soul.
Deceitfulness will destroy a marriage. Lies will destroy a marriage. Dishonesty in any form will destroy a marriage.
The best plan is to always be honest but sometimes, we do not make the best of choices. So how do we overcome the fallout of falsehood in marriage? Slowly and painfully. Choosing to forgive is easier to do than giving back trust. We all know how hard it is to trust someone after they have lied to you but that is the only way a marriage (or any relationship) can be restored. This is always more than we can do on our own. We need the help of God.
Our initial responses to being deceived come from our hurt.
Whenever we struggle to forgive someone for betraying us, it is important to remind ourselves of how God has forgiven us. We all sin. We all make bad choices. We all do things that we later want to do over - especially when we lie. But every time, God forgives us. He wipes our slate clean and removes the stain. He does not remove the consequences of our deceptive choices but He does remove the blame and condemnation. God holds nothing against the truly penitent heart and we must do the same.
Our trust in God must be greater than our trust in each other.
Our wounded heart will protest at not making the other person pay for hurting us but that is exactly what we must do. Depending on the nature of the deception new boundaries may need to be established. Check points may need to be created. And we will need to set aside time for open and honest communication and prayer. But we have to release the other person from all guilt in order to move forward and restore our marriage.
We cannot keep throwing the wrong deed back up in the other person's face. We cannot hold a grudge nor can we keep any bitterness. We have to rely on God to help us overcome our insecurity in this area. We have to wipe their slate clean just as Jesus does ours. That is just what love does. Love covers sin. It hides it and never brings it up again.
We cannot declare our love for each other in any greater way than by being honest. A marriage can only get stronger when love and forgiveness lead the way.
Honesty in marriage is non-negotiable.
Heidirn
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