Marriage and Forgiveness
Choosing to forgive can be one of the most difficult things to do in any relationship but it is especially difficult in marriage. When the sanctity of marriage is broken by deceit, the wound is deep and requires more than a simple "I'm sorry." But without forgiveness, a marriage cannot succeed.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Eph. 4:32 NIV
Every relationship requires us to give and receive mercy. We all make poor choices and let words come out of our mouth without thinking about their impact and most of the time, the people we hurt the most are the ones closest to us.
Asking for and giving forgiveness can be very hard and both require purposeful action. When we are wrong, we have two choices - ask for mercy or ignore the hurt we have caused. Choosing to do nothing is the same as denial and sends the message that the other person has no value and is not worthy of respect. Asking for mercy, on the other hand, demonstrates the value we have for the other person and it allows us an opportunity to restore and keep the relationship.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Eph. 4:32 NIV
Every relationship requires us to give and receive mercy. We all make poor choices and let words come out of our mouth without thinking about their impact and most of the time, the people we hurt the most are the ones closest to us.
Asking for and giving forgiveness can be very hard and both require purposeful action. When we are wrong, we have two choices - ask for mercy or ignore the hurt we have caused. Choosing to do nothing is the same as denial and sends the message that the other person has no value and is not worthy of respect. Asking for mercy, on the other hand, demonstrates the value we have for the other person and it allows us an opportunity to restore and keep the relationship.
One of the hardest things in any relationship to overcome is broken trust. Infidelity destroys the heart and rips apart the marital covenant. Adultery, gambling, and pornography addictions are all examples of infidelity. Many marriages do not recover from such wounds but some do. Those that are able to heal, do so when both people are willing to put their marriage in the hands of God. This is no easy feat even in the best of marriages and it is especially difficult after a marriage has been wounded by infidelity.
They key to healing a broken relationship is to forgive each other and yourself in the same way that God in Christ forgives us - on purpose, by choice, and freely.
Forgiveness doesn't ignore the whole that has been ripped in the marriage but it refuses to keep pointing the finger of blame. Trust cannot grow where doubt and fear live. The only way a relationship, especially a marriage, can be rebuilt is for both people to choose to start over in total surrender to God. It begins with brutal honesty and a determination to work out the issues without being critical or demeaning. It includes acknowledging our feelings but not letting them rule the roost.
We choose to forgive because we respect the value that God has placed on our marriage. This means that we don't keep bringing up the other person's faults or shortcomings or betrayal. Love overlooks the offenses of others and refuses to give up hope. It clings to God's word for guidance and strength. In choosing to love, we are choosing to forgive and vise versa. We cannot love someone we have not forgiven and most definitely cannot forgive without loving. They are like a hand in a glove. They just fit together.
If your marriage is trying to recover from the fallout of infidelity, don't give up. Don't quit. Don't carry bitterness or resentment. Be honest about how you feel without pointing blame or being hateful. Think about what you say before the words come out of your mouth. If necessary, put off painful or difficult conversations until after your emotions have cooled off. Talk freely to God about the whole situation but refuse to let it become another item on the gossip menu. Seek counseling if necessary.
Forgiveness like love is a choice and we live it on purpose especially when we don't feel like it.
We choose to forgive because we respect the value that God has placed on our marriage. This means that we don't keep bringing up the other person's faults or shortcomings or betrayal. Love overlooks the offenses of others and refuses to give up hope. It clings to God's word for guidance and strength. In choosing to love, we are choosing to forgive and vise versa. We cannot love someone we have not forgiven and most definitely cannot forgive without loving. They are like a hand in a glove. They just fit together.
If your marriage is trying to recover from the fallout of infidelity, don't give up. Don't quit. Don't carry bitterness or resentment. Be honest about how you feel without pointing blame or being hateful. Think about what you say before the words come out of your mouth. If necessary, put off painful or difficult conversations until after your emotions have cooled off. Talk freely to God about the whole situation but refuse to let it become another item on the gossip menu. Seek counseling if necessary.
Forgiveness like love is a choice and we live it on purpose especially when we don't feel like it.
Forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts we can give in marriage.
Heidirn
Heidirn
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